Teaching Compassion to Your Grandchildren
The role of the grandparent varies widely from family to family. We’re the ones who bring gifts for birthdays and holidays. We may be the ones who spend time with each child playing games or going on outdoor adventures. In some cases, we only see our grandchildren once or twice a year. Whatever the number of interactions, we can, as older adults in their lives model the character traits and values we want them to embrace
Sadly today, many folks are hardened to the kindnesses so necessary to human decency—giving a helping hand, sharing, speaking kindly to one another. We hear compassion has “gone too far” or is naïve. We’re caught up in political skirmishes that diminish the basic giving and taking of normal daily life. We know better.
If you want your grandchildren to be people who care about others there are many ways we, as their elder family members, can steer them in the right direction. Here are some ways you can model compassion to your little ones.
- Giving
Every interaction you have with your grandchildren is a chance to show your love. Children are able to “read” family members. They absorb the compliments, kind words and loving touches. Children who are cared for with such kindness are learning how to emulate those traits in their own lives.
- Observing
When you spend time with your grandchildren take the opportunity to point out kind behaviors. Look for someone who shares or waits their turn or helps someone who has been hurt. Talk about those incidents and encourage your grandchild to verbalize what they’ve seen. “Did you see Matthew help Jason when he fell and hurt his knee? Why do you think he did that?”
When conflicts arises in your grandchild’s sphere, take the opportunity to talk about the problem and brainstorm solutions. “Why did Jane become angry and walk away? What else could she have done?”
Make a game of looking for kind behaviors and sharing them with the family. Mealtimes are great times to report. “Who caught someone being kind today?”
- Talking
As you watch television or see movies with your grandkids point out characters who show compassion. Or point out unkind, negative behaviors and explore why they occur. “Why is that boy so angry?” or What is the person feeling right now?”
Encourage pretend play that works on conflict resolution. “Your Teddy Bear seems very upset. Can you show some kindness to him?”
- Modeling
Make every effort to model caring and kindness when with your grandchildren. We aren’t perfect, though, and when a sharp word or a less than kind behavior crops up, be quick to apologize and tell your grandchild you know you can do better.
Children who see adults owning their behaviors and expressing their intention to do better in the future learn skills in managing their own behaviors.
- Reading
Find appropriate books at your grandchild’s developmental level that speak to showing kindness and compassion. The topic of bullying is on their minds these days and you can help them overcome fears and gain skills to manage such interactions. Here are some titles on learning compassion and handling bullies:
Kindness is My Superpower by Alicia Ortega
Listening with My Heart by Gabi Garcia
Leo Learns About Kindness by Anthony Domenic Lalicata
Stand Up to Bullying by Mike Berenstain
The Not So Friendly Friend by Christina Furnival
- Make it Visible
Some families like to create a visible demonstration of the importance of showing compassion. They may label a jar “Our Kindness Jar” and fill it with written observations of acts of kindness. “I stopped to help Linda when she dropped her books today.”
Another idea is to wear a kindness bracelet reminding the wearer to do a kind deed. When the deed is done, the bracelet is turned over to show a smiley face.
Sometimes we wonder how we can make a difference in a world filled with sadness and unhappy people. It’s good to remember we can only manage our own lives and actions. But we can teach our family members to be caring, compassionate individuals. One kind act has a way of encouraging others to do the same.
